Carr's Review of Marybeth's Story 4/3

To: Marybeth Mareski
From: Carr Kizzier

Re: “It Happens”

Marybeth,

I like the way that you start the story. The meeting of George in a “community college photography class has a certain compellingness to it – maybe because we’re at a community college evening class, but also because it seems so real and personal on a certain level. And I also like some of the details of the voice here. We start to get a sense of who we are: someone who likes pot and would take a community college photography class. But also someone who is nice to people her friends don’t like, and the kind of person who has eccentric music tastes and is “vaguely ironic”. That’s good.
Overall, though, I don’t think this is a story per se. It is a sketch or fragment of a story, sure. But I don’t see the there there. First of all, the central “you” isn’t really developed enough for us to feel secure in her/our actions. I mean, why do we continue to hang around with someone who is dim like a 40 watt bulb? And who calls people ‘retards’? What is our motivation? Are we horny? Lonely? Cruel? (that latter seems unlikely, and isn’t supported in the end). There must be something motivating us, but I don’t see it here now. So that’s one thing – the lack of character development.
The second thing about this piece is that it doesn’t have what Flannery O’Connor calls that action on the part of the central character that comes as a surprise/not a surprise, and that signals a kind of shift in the universe of that character. Now here you’ve set us up for that moment when you have us go to George’s house (which is appropriately quirky by the way). But then nothing happens. We don’t kiss him (or worse), or have a near death experience, or have a big belly laugh, nothing. And that’s what is really missing here right now – that piece that will give the reader the sense that this is a story. So think about that.
OK. Finally, I would personally reconsider the second person POV. It’s hard to sustain (you’re sticking with it nicely here) when you really need to give us some background about a character. So think about that, too.
All right, Marybeth. I found a copy of “Sculpture I’. Read it and see how that one plays out. Good luck.

CK