Mike's story

Mike,
I agree that you did a good job in setting up the conflict of the story. Am I correct that this is the beginning of a story and that you are writing more? You did leave me wanting to learn more about Kibin (his adventure in the Kingdom, etc?). You did a GREAT job in setting up details: the sound and imagery of the storm, the details of the dream, Kibin's features and his clothing and the beauty outside of his home. I would be interested in reading another chapter to find out how the conflict is resolved.

You may want to check spelling and grammar in the future. Some of the interpretation was lost to misspelled words and punctuation. Just give your writing a quick read or perhaps have a friend proof it before submitting.

Your writing was great though! Looking forward to reading more!