Mike Rocks

“To Protect” Summary:

The beginning of the story depicts a father killing his son with a sword. We then find out that the son is a demon and the whole thing is just a dream. The next segment of the story describes the morning chores of a young man, who by the end of the story is forced to go to the “kingdom” to see the “weapon master.”

“To Protect” Response:

Overall, the story was good, but there are a lot of changes that need to be made. Grammatically, I counted over 30 errors, most of which are in the first three paragraphs. These errors include misspellings, verb usage, and run-on sentences. The story itself felt too much like a Harry Potter novel. Similarities to Harry Potter include a “magic academe,” a scar on the boy’s body, and an unexplained past where the main character was the only one found alive. The similarities are too strong and the story comes off as sounding less original. Also, I’m not sure what the dream in the first paragraph has to do with anything. In a longer work of fiction the dream might be acceptable, but in something so short it’s best to stick to the main story line. As for the story line, it didn’t have much explanation. What is the boy training for? who are the knights? Why do they need weapons? Why does Mary force the main character to go with her? It’s a good start, but I think it needs a lot more work to make it perfect.