Jen's poems

Eyes Closed

Summary: A male is hurting on the inside; he denies it and lives his life with his 'eyes closed.'

Response: This effectively portrays a person who is depressed. In a literal sense, it makes me think of someone who sleeps all of the time. On the other hand, I don't know why this person is hurt or what he's hiding from, and the language is very straightfoward, and not very evocative. I'd like to see some sensory words. I think, finally, it may have been a little too simple for me. I'd like to see some more detail.

My Yesterday

Summary: A person is living in the past, yearning for yesterday because it has 'his warm loving smile,' and today is lackluster in comparison.

Reponse: This poem evokes a mood of sadness and longing for the past. I like the use of 'lackluster,' I feel as though it implies an automatic comparison to the lustre of the past. Again, it is very literal and straightfoward and could use some examples to explain for instance the way that his smile made the character feel, and contrast it to the way that the character feels now.