Carr's Review of Matt's Poems 2/20

Re: “The Anti Utopian Experience” and “Madmans Lullabye”

Matt,

I really like the idea behind the poem “The Anti Utopian Experience”: “We are the anti love/ This is the anti utopian experience.” That’s cool. It’s as if this group of “we” is here to teach the reader something about modern living. I like that. It has a militant, futuristic feel to it. Cool.
So I think that along those lines each stanza preceding the final one needs some development of the images. For example, in the first stanza, “Eyes are the only things evolving” is good. But what happened to the rest of the body? How have those parts stopped? And what do the eyes do that keeps them evolving?
The second stanza I found the most unclear – although I think it’s fine to have a moment of being unsure in your purpose – it’s almost like the “we” are conferring. But the images need more focus, I think. And the third stanza could maybe explain the philosophy behind the movement, maybe.
All right. Keep working on this one, Matt. It’s cool.

OK. So in “Madmans Lullabye” the “insomnia binge” (good line) is evident and a cool angle for the poem. And right now I think the tone really works. There is some anxiety, angst, and anger coming through – perfect for the subject.
So again, work on stronger images. For example, in the first stanza you say your sheep are “caught in the fence.” So what do they look like? That lines begs for some follow up. Similarly, you set us up for big things with the great lines “eyes are like faucets/ Dripping with truth.” But then we are left with the “truth” of “I am weak, not strong.” That seems way too weak for the moment of revelation.

OK. So keep working on it, on these poems, Matt. There is much potential here. Good luck and let me know if you have questions.
CK