Monster

To: Wynter
From: Jessica
Re: Monster

Brief Description:

This story begins with a little girl names Jamie who is in the same room with her mother and step-father arguing. She is trying to get her mom's attention by stating there is a monster in her room. Eventually her mom (Mya) takes Jamie upstairs and states that she is too old to be thinking of monsters in her room. Her mother is then directed to go back downstairs via Ricky's yelling request. When she is gone and monster appears behind Boss the cat and asks Jamie if she would like to rid of the issue at end (Ricky). At first she protests but upon coming back from tucking in her little brother she agrees and states to complete the job overnight. The monster responds by stating it would be his pleasure. Jamie awakens to hear her mothers screams. The trail of blood leads to Jamie bedroom and she is covered in blood as well. Jamie reminder her mother that it was the monster that did it.

Comments/Suggestions:

I really liked this story. This story can be read by people of adults and young teenagers alike. I liked how the story flowed and the young girls personality. I also liked the premise of her being tempted by a monster. Jamie's voice is good throughout. I would maybe try to go into a bit more detail about why the relationship between her mother and Ricky is not that great. Also the whole teeth thing. How do you see the monster's teeth with its mouth closed?