The Anti-Valentines Day Story

To: Felicia Plato
From: Jessica
Re: The Anti-Valentines Day Story

Brief Description:
This is a story about two friends named Sarah and Melissa and their trip to a party to celebrate their disdain of Valentine's Day. (ie the title)
They are told by Kevin once they arrive at the party held at the hand me down house that there will be no kissing, no hooking up, and no couples allowed.However, later in the story it seems that Sarah has a growing interest in Kevin and eventually gets his number. During the party some people set off fireworks which triggers the cops arrival. Once they leave the party ends and Sarah tried to call Kevin but doesn't reach him.

Comments/Suggestions:
The author's voice is okay but not strong. The wording in this story could use some work since there are times when the detail is slim. I would suggest going into more of the background of the main characters. Why/How did they become friends? What makes them different besides their tastes in music and clothing. What about their looks? I would spend some time describing what the girls look like, what their surroundings look like.