Jessica's Poems

Facade

Again, you could call this my background as a teenage feminist, but to me this reads as a cry against the expectation that 'men act and women appear.' That is to say, for women appearance is of the utmost importance, and therefore we have to appear perfect -- a woman is expected to wear makeup, to appear other than she really is. So to me, this is a compelling subject. And I really enjoy the concrete examples in the first stanza of the poem, solid paraphernalia of this phenomenon. It is the second stanza where you lose me a little bit, where you come right out and say what I would prefer you describe and portray. I think it is in these images of girly accoutrement that your poem really thrives, and it makes your point soundly -- I do not think you need to come out and say you're tired and drained. What about some examples of being tired and drained -- you falter in your heels, your makeup runs after wearing it all day? I think this is a great concept for a poem and I think you could develop it a little bit more.


Entangled

I enjoy 'the strings you have sewn/ are too far grown/ to unwrap.' Good image, I like the way it rhymes. I like this metaphor, this puppetmaster metaphor for the whole poem, but I'd like to see it taken way further, like this is only the barest sketch for your poem. What sort of movements does he expect you in, what sort of movements are so unrealistic that you become tangled beyond redepemption? What about a few lines about after you are free? What does it feel like to be puppeteered, or to hang there limply when neither of you can control your body? What does his enormous body look like looming over you? Are you on a stage? Who are you performing for? His friends? Flesh it out. Explore the full spectrum of girlfriend-as-marionette (girlfriend?). It's a good idea, run with it.