To Protect (Chapter 2)

To: Michael Rocks
From: Jessica
Re: To Protect (Chapter 2)

Brief Description:

The story begins on a lone road in the field where Kibin and Mary are walking. They are walking toward a mountain and talking about Kibin and his training. They are deep into conversation about this subject but Kibin grows upset when Mary announces that he will meet the weapons master the following day. Eventually they walked their way to a gate where they heard some sort of noise. They had arrived to attend the academy where men train to become knights. The story ends with Kibin opening the door to the academy so that he may be able to train in hopes of becoming a knight.

Comments/Suggestions
There is a tense shift throughout this story. I would change some of the wording throughout. Try describing more in depth certain details as if you are the character speaking. In other words Kibin needs a stronger voice.