Carr's Review of Wynter's story 3/13

Wynter,

There are some things working really well here in your story, “Eye of the Dragon.” I like these kinds of stories, and this reminds me of a combination of Beowulf and Dragonslayer (an early 80s flick).
Anyhow, I thought that for the most part the action was rendered very well. Clear, tense. I like the twist of having Dreihl attacking Vahira when he shows up. And then she snaps his neck instead of trying to soothe him. That was good. Must be un-dragon-like to be coddling. Just snap the neck!
All right. There are some things to think about. First, I found the setup a little rough. The demise of the eight is unclear there in the beginning. It seems like the three who were killed instantly were the same three who were smothered by the landslide. Turns out later that those are two different sets of three. That seems like an easy fix. Just make it clear at the beginning.
Also, where Alexander is in terms of the landscape is unclear to me throughout. I was thinking forest, maybe hills on one side, but later he seems to be trapped in a kind of steep crevasse between two cliffs or something. Why this is a big deal is because I was wondering why he didn’t just hightail it out of there when he saw her. She was moving very slow, and it seems like he could have escaped. You might want to work on that aspect. And it’s easy enough to resolve.
Ultimately, though, what I wonder is what the movement is here. How does Alexander change or learn or grow here? Or how does he not change when presented with the chance? I don’t know. He seems to be the same at the end. So ask yourself this? What happens to A on this day that is different? Sure, he meets the dragon – but he’s a dragonslayer, right? Isn’t he used to this? So what happens to Alexander inside? I like that you star the story after the young dragon has been killed. That’s good. So maybe you could show Alexander getting back to the town or something – but in a changed way. Something’s gotta be gnawing at him. Something should have happened. Maybe it was his fault that the other men were killed. Maybe he had to make a sacrifice that we will discover only as he confronts Vahira. Think about it. That might be where your story starts to take off, to become more about Alexander than Vahira.
All right, Wynter. Keep at it. Good luck and let me know if you have questions.

CK