The Anniversary

To: Jane Aughenbaugh
From: Jessica
Re: The Anniversary

Brief Description:

This story is about a woman named Geraldine who spends her time (amount not specified in story) searching for an item (also not specified until then end. The author briefly states James and herself are like two peas in a pod but sometimes fall on hardships. On a summer day Geraldine starts to think of a time when she and Cynthia begin a search for costumes. Later in the story the author finally begins her quest for this unnamed item. Much to Geraldine's dismay, James pulls up and she has not found the item. All of a sudden to her surprise James had found the item and enlarged it for their anniversary (not stated but assumed via title). Geraldine is ecstatic.

Comments/Suggestions:

The author's voice is not very strong in this story. There are certain areas that are in need of more detail. Such as the title "The Anniversary", no where in this story are "we" the readers told of this occurrence. We assume this due to the ending. Also much of the story is devoted to a search for costumes not the ring. Also the search is never specified that it is a ring until the ending. I would also elaborate more about the relationship b/w Geraldine and James. In the 2nd paragraph it states they are peas in a pod and that its obvious to everyone it was true love. Define true love through the eyes of Geraldine. Describe their relationship more and elaborate on this anniversary. I would also describe the main characters personality a bit in this story. This way we will know why she is so worried. Also the time shift is a bit off.

Overall I enjoyed the idea of this story and it does have some great potential. This story could easily be extended a few more pages.