Daddy and Lust

Daddy: One thing I appreciate about your writing is that you make it so relatable and certainly do not beat around the bush, you get straight to the point! In this poem you have attacked what seems to be an unfortunately all too common experience, especially in this country, of detachment from one of your parents. You give us a lot of good examples of the void in your life, especially the line that says "you would be the first and last thing I saw before going to bed," this one really hits you because you can envision a lonely little girl in bed who just wants love from an absent father. I also liked the repetition you used in many of your lines, I think by doing this it clearly expresses your anger. The only thing I would suggest is a little more depth and detail, I like that you have used this topic, but I don't fully feel it. I suggest adding some more details that the reader can become attached to and assign emotions to.

Lust: Wow. This poem doesn't leave too much to the imagination, which is probably a good thing. In dealing with a topic such as sex, some people are hesitant to let down their barriers and tell it like it is. I like it that your so bold when you write. In this poem especially you describe to us an individual who is confident of their abilities. Although I do appreciate your straight forward approach I feel that you could be a little more abstract. Something like sex should incorporate the senses. What does he taste like? What does his skin feel like? How about the sound? Heaving breathing, moaning, etc.