review 7: Trenise McLean

I have to say Daddy is perfect timing because I'm bringing Sylvia Plath's famous poem by the same title next week. So welcome to the club. Apparently, bad fathers are good for poetry if nothing else. You have a good timeline going here with all the holes he left. I was thinking something more concrete to illustrate his absence would be his empty place at the table on Thanksgiving. That would go along with the birthday and Christmas cards which are a good detail too, maybe dig them out if you have any old ones and use his words against him. What he said and what he didn't say. Unfortunately, because this seems to be a common experience, I think you need to personalize it a bit more. You don't need to call him a nazi like Plath does, but give us a fuller picture of your frustration. These are all generic experiences-graduation, engagement, wedding- what about something more unique to your life that he missed? Think of it as free therapy (and in good company- read some Anne Sexton and Plath just don't follow their example too closely). Like Natalie Goldberg said, "go for the jugular".
In Lust, I didn't think I'd ever say this, be more vague and mysterious. You have some good images like "my heart starts to pound", "we tumble through ecstacy", "every touch.. wanting to last an eternity". All those explicit words are good, "dark/ wet/ tight", but they would be better if you hid them a little so they became an allusion to the sex act. Say your throat is tight. Say you swallow in anticipation. Say your lips are wet. Etc... But once you put it out there so obviously, the reader lights a cigarette and turns on the tv, so to speak. This needs to be a build up. More foreplay. Give us the images that evoke lust first. Be coy.