Jen Burghardt Comments

“Heartbreaker” Response:

Nice poem, I really like the title. The first several lines are full of good imagery. The line, “He lights his Marlboro Red…pulls in the smoke and lets it out,” gives me a good visualization of this person. When I read those lines I started to picture James Dean, which in a way gave the poem an initial sense of coolness and poise. I also like that you included the brand of cigarettes he’s smoking, being specific never hurts. You come out and tell us the mood in line three when you write, “He sits there with that cool look about him…” That line works, but I would consider showing us instead of telling us like the way you did in the first two lines. I also found myself wanting to know more about the setting. For example, maybe the character could be sitting on the roof of a car or maybe on a park bench. The best line of the poem is obviously, “I’ll be his next broken heart.” It’s a great line to end with. Despite the lingering feeling of sadness it gives the reader, the last line inexplicably maintains that feeling of coolness.

“Loki” Response:

I enjoyed this poem and in a way it was written very eloquently. I love the imagery of the boots smashing the blades of grass as you walk across the field. Like your first poem, you mention Marlboros and I’m beginning to think you fancy them. My favorite line is when you write, “And I could still believe then it would be like this forever…” It’s a very deep line and like most people who read this poem, I found a way to relate to it. The thought of looking back on life and thinking of memories that are far gone send chills down your spine. It wasn’t clear to me whether you’re main focus was on a past relationship or just the past in general. The first half of the poem puts an emphasis on this relationship, but the last half seems to look at other aspects of the past, especially the last line. In retrospect it may not even matter. If I were you I’d listen to the last two minutes of Meat Loaf’s “Objects In The Rear View Mirror.” It’s very similar to your poem and would be a good source of inspiration if you decide to change anything.