Jane Aughenbaugh Comments

“The Anniversary” Summary:

This story is about a woman named Geraldine, who has been searching frantically for her wedding ring. At the end of the story, her husband comes home and hands her the re-jeweled wedding ring as an anniversary present.

“The Anniversary” Response:

Jane, I enjoyed reading your story. You give very good descriptions when it comes to physical objects. I love the description in the third paragraph when you write, “There was an abundant amount of dust rose, hyacinth blue, orange, salmon, aqua, lavender, purple, sea green and red lace and silk materials piled on top pf each other.” A sentence like that gives the reader a great visual as to what kind of materials were in the box. I also like the phrase, “engulfing smiles.” Those words stand out and sound nice together. When I read the first paragraph, I was a little confused at first, but I understood what you were trying to say by the end of the story. I had to read the third paragraph several times to fully understand it, I would consider breaking it up into two paragraphs. One other thing I would change is the last line, “Only this time, it was bigger and shiny as glass.” A diamond is shinier than glass, so maybe compare it to something else. Overall, great story.