Carr's Review of Anna's Poems 3/6

Anna,

My favorite lines in “Trees” are “A musician in Fall” and “frolicking beckoning beauties.” The first I like because of the possibilities the image contains. There are all sorts of ways you can now show the music of the trees – by showing us how the tress are like musicians. That’s good. The second line there I like for the sound – it’s music. I like the way the words work together: frolicking beckoning beauties. That’s very evocative. It reminds me of some girls in the 1940s sitting around a public pool. That’s nice.
So here are two different areas to work on. First, why not use an image for each season in the poem? Then you could show how the trees change – and maybe even one tree changes personas from season to season. Think about it. Think about showing more. I think that will help you with vivid images. And as you do that, try to work in those wonderful sounds like “frolicking beckoning beauties”.

Cool. I like that you use nature as a metaphor in your poems. “Love is a Season” is a great title, immediately conjuring images of possibility. And then you start the poem very nicely: “I was winter, bitter, cold, unrelenting.” That’s strong because it is so active. Stay in that mode as you describe what the winter does and/or thinks. Give this winter a persona, and then stay with that. The first person gets lost immediately after the first line until “Then I fell.” I think that’s too long between. We need to know how winter reacts to spring. How she changes. That way the falling will be earned. Right now it isn’t necessarily.
In addition, youer images could be tightened. Give us the real things that happen in spring, summer, fall. The small things you notice. That will help to make the poem more real for us.

OK. There’s potential here, Anna. Keep working on it – show more – and it will come.

CK