sara's poems

Intentions of the Intentional

I do now know the intent behind the poem, but to be fair, initially I recall feeling completely puzzled. References to Fats Domino, crying lovers, young girls being appraised by strangers.


I initally fell for the usage. I simply enjoy the sound of the first stanza, the unexpected rhymes and alliteration. Did you possibly mean 'Rome to Paris perish'? Just a thought. It seems that you write often, there's confidence here to move away from the conventional and employ your own developed voice. 'the sound of sweetness/strike on the sun swept bracken' richly alliterative, 'the dry execution of one tender palm to the next' vividly suggesting to me the dry chafing noise and action of two rubbing hands. I have only one real complaint: 'those damned starvation ghouls,' seems impossible for me to decipher and clumsy to say. It trips me up. Natually, overall impressed nonetheless.


Manakaure and Khamerernebty

Based on Google evidence, seems to me the mournful cry of once vital, powerful lovers finding themselves crumbling as sad and simple stone.

Antiquated tone, provided by some syntax and word choice: 'speakest silence,' 'to-morrow,' 'to-day,' -- 'thou' always a dead giveaway. Comes off pretty natural. I love the turn of phrase 'viral cry,' I do envision a scream multiplying, virus-like, as it bounces off the walls of a city, spreading through the area. I love this: 'That by which existence measures northward, escapes;/if not steepled as to break some northward walls.' I can't quite grasp the meaning of this, though I have intimations of looking heavenward -- I cannot imagine it being north of Egypt -- and if not heavenward (heav'nward! to keep with your archaic tone) then I simply do not know. Anyway, right, lots of catching imagery and word choice -- I might like to see some sort of symmetry or reason to the shape of these words on the page, but that could be a love for order.