Carr's Review of Marybeth's Story "Flight" 2/27

Marybeth,

I like this story a lot – I think more every time I read it. Your tone here is working well with the material. I think it’s the little flourishes of sarcastic humor that do it (look at my line edits for the numerous examples of lines I liked). Having the characters acknowledge their own weirdness helps the reader feel comfortable in this world you’ve set up. I think that’s what makes the story believable. And that’s perhaps the best compliment I can pay you here, Marybeth – this world seems real to me.
OK. I also think the story works as a story. Frederich and Josephine (Austrian emperors?) meet and connect. Josephine is hiding her true nature. Frederich helps her to release that, and maybe falls in love with her (?). Then she flies away – what happens to Fred we don’t know. That definitely works.
Where I think the story could use some revision is in two areas, primarily. First, I think you would do well to tell the story from one character’s point of view – and in this case I would suggest Fred. He is the outsider here, and he is the one who helps Josephine change. By locating the POV close to him, the reader can discover things at the same time he does. And we can also begin to pull for him in his quest for whatever he’s looking for. Along those lines, I think I would make Frederich more normal. Maybe he does have a medical quirk, but I don’t think I would go so far as to make him a real “plant-boy.” You don’t put much emphasis on it here anyway, so that makes me think it could change.
Speaking of emphasis, I think the second thing you would do well to try here is to take more time. The story needs to be longer. Let the relationship between the two of them develop. Can Fred go over to J’s house? Can they interact outside the office (if only once or twice – and even then unsuccessfully might work as well)? Taking more time would let the end feel more earned. And then if you are in Fred’s POV, I think I would definitely let the story end with him. Then again, one question I had was why this flight seemed like a final goodbye. What is it about her flying that is going to necessitate her leaving for good? Just a thought.

OK. I like it. Your prose is very sharp, Marybeth. Very sharp. Keep working on this one and let me know how it’s going. Two reads: “A Very Old Man With Enormous Wings” and “Zooanthropy.”
Good luck.