Carr's Review of Heather's Poems 2/27

Heather,

“when he stops the tears” is a good old fashioned love poem, which I like. And this is the kind of love that springs from a cheat, which is also a good topic to exploit – for it’s there that you can relate the way that despair can transform into heat quicktime. And here I think you succeed in that regard. You start with all the “sinking further down”, and just a few lines later his hands are “grazing my bare skin.” That’s nice, and I think you do a nice job with the physical contact that takes place here – you just give us a hint, but it is a powerful hint in its suggestion. The pulling towards is palpable there. Good.
So two things: first, the opening of the poem is too abstract for me right now. Can you be more concrete in your description? What are you doing there? Why? Be specific. Second, I think the ending of the poem needs more development. It’s too quick to “we’re perfect together.” Seems like there should be some doubt, some hesitation, something. Even if the woman doesn’t stop, or even if she is deluding herself, she should know that. So maybe try to achieve that by slowing down and showing more of what the woman was thinking, feeling, seeing, etc during the moment. Then the ending might feel earned.
All right. Think about it.

OK. There are some things I like a lot about “horizon bound.” First, the opening is very nice: “a broken heart behind the wheel of a/ brand-new Chevrolet.” I like how that makes us identify with the heart rather than the person. That’s cool. I also really like the line, “keeping pirate eyes on the horizon.” That’s a great line, and my biggest suggestion for the poem is to use that metaphor – of the woman as a pirate – throughout the poem. Play with it. Let he be a pirate on the road. Let her tell you and us what it is like out there: what she’s looking for, what she’s hoping to find, what she can take advantage of. For that’s what pirates do – they take advantage of others for their own gain. And they’re not afraid to fight, but would probably prefer to be rewarded with the least effort possible. Yeah, that could be very interesting.

All right. There’s some very good stuff to work with here, Heather. Good luck with these and see me with questions.