Carr's review of Felicia's poems 11/14

To: Felicia
From: Carr

Re: “Snow” and “Ache”

Felicia,

In both of these poems you have some interesting and important topics. In “snow” I really like the idea that winter “is a time for rekindling old flames.” That’s cool, and my curiosity is definitely piqued. Why is winter such a good time for that? I really want to know.
The image here is nice – the burning wood of “rekindling” is reminiscent of that warm, even feverish lovemaking that can occur in the winter, when we are prone to “getting lost in the sea of blankets of flesh”. It is romantic, and that’s something that can stick with us for a long time – all the smells, the feeling of the rug, the way our clothes have to come off. It’s all very sensual and ripe for exploration in a poem.
So consider making that the dominant idea for the poem, really working off that image. You might even remember that old flame, all those details about him that you can convey to the reader to make us understand – no, to feel – what he did for you. Consider taking yourself in this poem to a place where you’re just about ready to go back to him in some way (literally or figuratively). And then do – by making some gesture – or don’t. That will be the turning point, and it will be where the reader can really connect and feel for and with you. Make sense? All right. You might try reading some Billy Collins. He’s very good at taking these almost ordinary events of our lives and imbuing them with special meaning.

OK. Your poem “Ache” I think is similar. You have this great image and idea at the end of the poem: here it is that “all I have left is my father’s death.” That’s a great line in many different ways – rhythmically, thematically, and philosophically. So now I think you need to exploit it more. Right now the heartache of the terrible pain of losing a parent is evident, but I think this poem would rise to another level if you can start to give us the real details, the little things that make you hurt the most. For example, in the first stanza you say, “I don’t know when it started.” Well, by the end of the poem I don’t believe you – I mean, seems like you should know exactly when it started. But of course that’s not how it always works. So maybe what you really know is when it didn’t start. That would be a cool approach to take, like “It didn’t start when I took the photographs of your wedding out of the shoe box. It didn’t start when I saw that grin you used to give me when you were making toast …” See what I mean?
OK. So I think the poem really needs all these little details. It will be more effective by being more personal (that bit of irony, that to become more general you have to become more personal). Remember, “All I have left is my father’s death.” That is such a powerful line, that I think you need to start there (not literally with the words, but with the feeling) and then show that to the reader by showing us the real things in your life with him.

All right. Good luck with these, Felicia. There is good material to mine here. So put on your miner’s hat and dig it up. Have a great time in Italia. Be nice to the locals. Take care.

Carr