Carr's Review of April's Story "Bloomsday" 9-19

To: April
From: Carr Kizzier

Re: “Bloomsday”

April:

OK. So in “Bloomsday” Murray Bloom dies – and goes through some things in his mind along the way. That’s a good setup for a story, for it allows you to give us some of his background – mother from east Baltimore, wife a sexy nag, son a washup. Those are all some nice details there. And I really like the way you close. It’s very quiet, and the line, Murray took the rest of his life and went” is very good.
So what does it mean? What are we to make of Murray’s life? Where was the turning point for him? What could he have done differently? Where did he become bitter, and how does he feel about that now? These are all questions that I had about this story, and without the answers to at least a couple of them, I think this piece remains in the realm of ‘fragment’ or ‘vignette’ rather than story. So, think about fleshing some of these issues out if you continue with this. They don’t have to be explicitly answered. But I think we need to feel a sense that something of import has happened. Murray’s got a good voice, so people will definitely read more about him.
OK. Technically, the organization of the first paragraph is problematic: Murray dies (“bought the farm”), then goes back to pre-death and the numbness in his arm. Then we move forward a bit to after the fall but before death. This gets confusing. So try to work this so we take only one step back, instead of two little ones. Does that make sense? Work with it and see what you come up with.
All right. Your use of language and voice here is strong. Keep working on it.
See me with questions.

Carr