Carr's Review of Christen Chorba's poems 12-5

To: Christen
From: Carr

Re: “Scare Tactics” and “Grandma Liked the Beach Boys”

Christen:

There are many things here in “Scare Tactics” and “Grandma Liked the Beach Boys” that are very Christen Chorba. I say that as a compliment, for to me it signals that your voice this semester has been strong, Christen. It’s very recognizable, and it works well. There’s a plain, directness to your language that strikes a chord with me. The lines and situations are often simple, down to earth. But underneath there is a tension, an almost but not quite sarcastic tone that is both caustic and compelling. It makes the reader want to go on while fearing for his life. Not because we’re scared to die, but because we’re a little afraid of the insight that the voice is going to provide: that insight might just hit too close to the bone. I like that quality a lot.
OK. “Scare Tactics.” What works? The repetition and the form, I think. You repeat what needs to be repeated, and you shift what needs to be shifted and changed. The whole structure signals a progression, a movement from early childhood to adulthood while retaining the “little Catholic school girl” the whole time. I think that works well. What doesn’t work as well for me? Some of the word choices and wordiness. For example, see if you like the way the poem works without “little” in all the stanzas except the last one (there I would remove “Catholic”). Work on the phrases “Armed with a face of ashes”; “But loses meaning when recited”; “Armed with brainwashed ignorance”. I understand what you mean and want to say in each of those instances, but the wording isn’t quite right – I don’t think it’s precise enough (and this is a poem that is so economical that it needs to be precise). I’m also not partial to the last line here, “And the church needs your money.” That isn’t subtle enough for me. There you whack us with a two by four. And it’s a two by four we didn’t even know was there. You haven’t been talking about greedy motives at all to that point. So I’m not sure if it works to go there right at the end. For me it doesn’t fit. I don’t mind a comment on the church, but maybe one that’s more subtle. After all, your whole poem is a comment on the church. Let that work on its own. Think about it.
All right. “Grandma Liked the Beach Boys.” Another poem with a great title. Just funny enough to get us to read it. This one is definitely Christen Chorba. The unusual scenario with the great details – all those little things that seem so real. Tim O’Brien talked about this over at C-ville. He strives to get these kinds of things in his work – the rotten pumpkin, and blueberry muffins; “Barbara Ann” and “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.” These are the details that are so real that the reader thinks they couldn’t possibly be made up. But maybe they are – and maybe they aren’t. That’s not important. What’s important is that they resonate, reverberate, with the truth. And yours definitely do. Good work there.
OK. So what would I work on? Of course there are some punctuation issues, and maybe I would adda space break or two. But right now where I would focus is on the ending. That’s where you lose me with the kicker so to speak. Grandma died the next day? I don’t believe it. That’s not to say that it didn’t really happen exactly that way. It very might have, but I don’t believe it – and neither will your readers, I think. It’s too convenient, which makes it seem contrived (and not subtly contrived – this one is a two by six). So think about closing this poem with something quieter – something more disturbing. Something that will give us insight into the human condition –either of little girls or of grandmas. Does that make sense? Think about it.

All right, Christen. If you can’t tell, I am a big fan of your work, and I strongly encourage (no, I demand!) that you continue to develop your poetry and prose writing by writing as much as you possibly can. Remember that poets aren’t just poets because they wear the right jacket or hang out at at the in spot. Poets are also doctors and scientists and insurance salesmen and civil servants and administrators of international aid agencies (OK, maybe not insurance salesmen). But what makes them poets is that they write poetry. So don’t stop. Keep writing. Especially when you’re so busy with your other life stuff that you can hardly breathe. Especially then. Keep writing. Good luck and

Peace,
Carr